Growing Pains
February 12, 2012 by Hazel Tong 1 comments
I’ve come to the conclusion that I have the spiritual maturity of a 3 year old.
Let me explain. I have a delightful 3 year old son who osciallates between wilful independence and lazy dependence on mummy. One day he will insist on doing his own seat belt up even though this is something that most grown-ups struggle with. I have to gently persuade him that I am only helping him, or a meltdown might ensue. Another time I will ask if he wants to pull up his own pants, which he manages beautifully at preschool. He answers with an emphatic “mummy do it”.
And so it is with me and God. Sometimes I insist on doing things my own way, even though it’s futile and often counterproductive. A case in point is in managing my response to an unreasonable neighbour of ours. They complain that our kids are too loud on the weekends when they are trying to have a lie in. Meanwhile they are happy to let their teenage son talk and swear loudly in the early hours of the morning outside our apartment block. Oh the joys of strata living!
I perceived this as unfair. I felt angry and powerless and ever so slightly peeved at God. But instead of taking my anger to God, I held onto it and stewed over it for way too long. Feeling this way was so draining. When I was finally reminded to trust God in all situations I felt such a burden lifted from me. Focussing on how big God is helped restore my peace of mind.
Other times I want God to magically take away an area of sin that I have been struggling with forever, without any effort from myself.
Since I became a mum I have realised, to my shame, what an ugly temper I have. After some very normal boundary-pushing, answering back type of provocation, I fly off the handle at my son and reduce him to tears. Instead of relying on God’s grace, I fall back on old, tried and tested (and very wrong) ways of dealing with my frustration.
But if I look back, I can see that my ability to stay calm in the face of never-ending whinging has grown over time. It’s a long haul work that God is doing in me. So I have to repent (often) and acknowledge my weakness, moral bankruptcy and absolute need for God.
These are growing pains that I am experiencing. If it’s hard for me, then I’m sure it’s hard for my 3 year old too. And that’s another win – becoming aware of my failings gives me more compassion for my son in his.
Hazel Tong aged 40½ ;-)
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1 Comments
Hi Hazel. Thanks for sharing your current experience and walk with God and what you are learning through your 3 year old about yourself and God's grace. My children are now 24 and 21. I've been through those experiences in the past. Having children has helped me work out my priorities and become aware of obsessive habbits that you simply don't have time for anymore. I spent 20 years raising children with a husband who had a very demanding job so I was always trying to 'hold it all together'. I was very involved in the church and helping others. I ended up with major depression and needed time out for healing and restoration. Being a wife and mother is a very demanding role and we give it all we can because it's so important. I'm glad that God in His grace has carried me through all those experiences and has now given me the grace to pursue some self-interests and have a new career. Getting older, with grown-up children has helped me see that I survived it all and have new challenges. I am wiser and more mellow, but still realise that every day I struggle with selfish desires that need to give way for Godly actions.